if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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