So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
