her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize