You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
