Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
