She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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