just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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