I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
