Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
