you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
