he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
