I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
