He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
