Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
