so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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