this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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