I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
