Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry UMGOBLUE hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(479): View more from Arkansas

How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

Fav 141 1133 3156
share tweet
(306): View more from Saskatchewan

how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.

Fav 18 5215 2216
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(980): View more from North Carolina

when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

Fav 14 6486 1183
share tweet
(260): View more from Indiana

Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days

Fav 2 2051 1139
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.

Fav 5 959 2297
share tweet
(772): View more from Florida

Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

Fav 9 2560 916
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(678): View more from Georgia

I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.

Fav 3 3771 1423
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?

(972): View more from Texas

Well what did you order

Fav 1 34 44
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(818): View more from California

You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.

Fav 0 73 4
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT