I wish I only lived at night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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