"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
