it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
