i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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