Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize