When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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