apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
