you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
