I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
