When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
