I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
