I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
