just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
