I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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