the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
