You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
