I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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