ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
