We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
