If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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