Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
