just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
