Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
