no, he came in my armpit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
