I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
