whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
