just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
