i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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