dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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