Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
