chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
