and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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