Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
