bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
