peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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