i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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