Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
