Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
