oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
