Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
