Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
