you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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