You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My balls are so social today.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
