What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
