If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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