I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and she was petting her beer can
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
