Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
