I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
