hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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